Yahoo! UK News Message Boards – Economy – Santa s got trouble at the North Pole | Cub Scouts get Stoned … Elves near Revolt

Yahoo! UK News Message Boards – Economy – Santa s got trouble at the North Pole | Cub Scouts get Stoned … Elves near Revolt

— Cub Scouts and Elves are at odds over Naughty Boy Image because of Rocks, Minerals, Fossils, Lumps of Clay and Coal in their Christmas Stockings. In a bizarre twist on items traditionally put in stockings of a naughty child, Santa is giving rocks, stones, lumps of clay and coal to good Cub Scouts and the elves worry about having to pound rocks. —

Ever since Dinosaurs Rock® introduced two new resource kits for Cub Scouts trying to earn the Cub Scout Academics Geology Belt Loop and Geology Pin Awards, by launching CubScoutGeology.com, nothing has been the same at the North Pole.

A Bipartisan Gang of Eight Tiny Unnamed Sources, at the reindeer feeding grounds in the northern tundra regions, have leaked a report that due to the high demand for dinosaur fossils, minerals and rough gemstones Mr. Clause is thinking about sending the elves out to excavate for fossils and minerals to meet the demand. It is widely rumored that advisors in Santa’s inner circle have contacted President George W. Bush in an effort to schedule a secret meeting in order to secure excavation and drilling rights to US National Parks and other normally off limits regions like Area 51, also known as Groom Lake, a secret military facility about 90 miles north of Las Vegas Nevada. Neither the White House, EPA nor National Parks officials were available to comment on these revelations.

Elves, generally accustomed to hard work in order to meet the seasonal gift giving requirements, are now beside themselves with anxiety and panic attacks that may be putting them at risk and on the verge of developing generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Typically not prone to using drugs, some of the wee folk (also referred to as the “Height Challenged” by the politically correct crowd) have presumably resorted to mail order drugs like the FDA approved Lexapro.

A spokes-elf, on condition of anonymity, said, “It’s not that we don’t want to do whatever is necessary to make the children happy, it’s having to leave the toy shops in search of dinosaur fossils, minerals and rough gemstones that presents the problem.” The elf (gender unknown) went on to say, “It would devastate our ability to meet the Christmas rush if we couldn’t do our time-honored magic. Furthermore, due to heightened security in the face of real terrorist threats we don’t believe it would be wise for us to be seen walking around with excavation tools and a bag of explosives over our shoulder.”

When asked what other alternatives might exist, several members of the elf community were quick to point out that Cub Scout Geology resources for individual activities and den projects are available from www.CubScoutGeology.com and that every conceivable form of dinosaur fossils, minerals and rough precious gemstones could be found at www.fossilconnoisseur.com/dinosaursuperstore/.

We hope that the big guy at the North Pole and the Presidents Advisors don’t misinterpret the elves intelligence. It doesn’t take the CIA, FBI, a special prosecutor or a senate committee hearing to understand the information available at the “Dinosaur Birthday Party Blog”. A strike, work slowdown or worse a rebellion by elves at this critical time of year would be a disaster that could have serious consequences on economic growth. Parents, relatives and friends of Cub Scouts can help by going to www.CubScoutGeology.com for Cub Scout Academics Geology Belt Loop and Geology Pin resource kits to lessen the demands on Santa and the Elves.

We’ll be watching for fair and balanced reporting. Please Mr. O’Reilly, I hope you’re looking out for the elves too! Ho Ho Ho.

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